Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Collected Thoughts

1) My legs are sore from running.

2) Brahms Symphony No. 2 is amazing.

3) Chamber music class is not always so amazing.

4) Choir has the potential to be amazing as long as people can keep their egos out of the way.

5) The most exciting thing about choir is that we are learning Leonardo Dreams of His Flying Machine by Eric Whitacre. There are no words to describe my utter delight. I get goosebumps singing it each day. It's amazing. AMAZING. If you haven't heard it, get a recording of it. Sometimes fabulous dissonances make the resolutions that much more satisfying.

6) Roommate is getting her own blog right now, as I type this. I'm not above boasting that it was due in part to my own suggestion last night that she get a blog. I'm such an inspiration to those around me.

7) The real stuff on my mind, the stuff I've avoiding writing for almost a week, is a flood of conflicting thoughts and emotions that's sort of overwhelming right now. I had my first violin lesson of the year last Friday, and my teacher asked me about my post-graduation plans, and suggested some grad schools for me to look in to. We talked for about an hour and a half. I knew that conversation would be inevitable... but somehow I still wasn't ready for it. I have a lot of big decisions to make in the next few months, but I don't know how to go about making those decisions. I want to have a nice, neat equation, plug in pros and cons and other factors, and then solve for the right answer. Unfortunately, all the facts I want to plug into that equation aren't as black and white as I'd like them to be. Should I trust my thoughts? My feelings? What is the wisest course of action? What makes the most sense? What should my priorities be? How do I go about finding out what I want and what God wants for me?

8) I think that the contents of 7) are hanging over my head like a little subconscious black cloud, contributing to the overall stress and worry in my life right now. I've been wondering if stress could be contributing to my headaches lately - perhaps they are tension headaches. This does seem to make sense, given that my back and shoulders are painfully tense and I grind my teeth incessantly all night and am unable to stop. Augh. I seriously need to relax. (If only it were that easy.)

9) Roommate's blog is up and running, so check it out. Her blog title/url is fantastic.

10) I love music. But why do I have to get so bogged down in worries, comparisons, insecurities, frustrations, and oh, woe is me, the stress of it all? (I hate that word, stress. It's so overused. Find me one college student who hasn't used the expression a hundred times - "Oh, I'm so stressed out." And now here I am whining about it. I never thought I would stoop so low. Sigh.)

"Life is lived forwards but understood backwards."- Kierkegaard

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