Tuesday, July 27, 2004

My Mom calls me “Miss Responsibility” this summer.  I like this; it means she notices that I try hard to do better at the things that don’t come very naturally to me... things like being responsible and diligent and using my time and resources wisely.  And this summer I am doing that.  I work full-time (designing and creating icons for software and writing documentation, newsletters, help files, and website information) , I run 2-3 miles a day (I’ve been really consistent about this), I help around the house with cooking, cleaning, and outdoor work (like cutting, carrying, and stacking slash from 9 huge trees my parents had taken down), I’ve practiced my violin fairly consistently (although for about two weeks I took what I consider a needed break [translation: I slacked off like the loserly wannabe violinist I am]), I’ve sewed two skirts and a pair of pajama shorts, I’m crocheting a baby blanket, I play the piano and read when I have spare time (which is seldom), go sailing with my family about every other weekend, etc.  And now I’ve promised to assist in writing a music history curriculum, on top of everything else!  I’m busy.  And I'm a little worried about finishing all the things I have to do plus the things I want to do this summer.  Anyway, I really haven’t had any time to just lounge around wasting time.  Which is good.  I feel pleased with myself.  And my Mom is pleased, too.

My Dad, on the other hand, says he is “counting the moments” until I go back to college... this because I ate his ricecake yesterday.  Heh.  But the truth is, he loves having me home. :)  Right, Dad?

In other news, I bought my plane ticket to fly back to Gordon College for the fall semester.  My friends, do you realize how ground-breaking this is?  This is the first time in my three years of college experience that I will be returning to the same college for a second year of enrollment.  And I'm pretty much mostly kinda excited about it.  I'm excited about sharing an apartment with five great girls.  I am excited about decorating my room once I get there.  I am excited about seeing friends again.  I am really excited about my classes (I know; I'm a nerd.)  I am excited about cooking in my apartment.  I am excited about being in choir.  I am excited about the possibility of getting some violin students.

I am looking forward to lots of great music in the coming year.  Orchestra, chamber music, choir, violin lessons... it'll be fun.  Today I have the slow movement of the Brahms clarinet-cello-piano trio stuck in my head.  It’s so nice.  I’ve missed music this summer; it’s been a rather non-musicalish summer.  Well, of course there’s been my own (sporadic and sucky) practice of Mozart and my occasional practice of Schumann, and of course there’s Rode, which hardly counts as music, and um, as for Bach, what Bach?  Was I supposed to be practicing Bach?  hahahahaaa, okay, I'm going crazy.  I’m really losing it.  I am a lazy and unproductive so-called violinist and my teacher is going to KILL me.  Oh, the joy.  So yeah, I am 1/2 excited + 1/2 scared about seeing my teacher again and playing for him. 

I'm excited about a lot of things, and yet I am also restless.  I know it is a good thing that I am returning to Gordon; I need to finish up school and get my diploma, and staying in one place for at least two years in a row is the only feasible way to accomplish this.  Plus, I like Gordon, I really do.  But I think there will always be a bit of wishful reminescing... what will this next year be like at Wheaton?  What will everyone be doing there...without me?  What will this year be like at Biola?  Of course, I'll always miss those places and those people.  I have so many good memories.

But I'm glad to be going back to Gordon.  I think it will be good.

You know, I'm tired of people laughing at me for transferring so much.  "Three schools in three years, ha-ha!  Where are you going next year?  Ha-ha!"  (Everyone who says this thinks they are so clever... if they only knew that everyone, everyone, says this to me.)  What's so wrong with having uncertainties and not quite knowing what you want to do?  Why do people act like not being able to "settle down" and "stick with a decision" is such a terrible thing?  First of all, I can settle down and stick with a decision.  But there is really no necessity to do that right now, when I'm just 21 years old and my whole life is ahead of me and this is my time for preparing for the rest of my life.  If I stuck with a plan or a decision that wasn't going to prepare me for the life I wanted, I think I'd regret it later.  And whoever said that we're supposed to know exactly what we want in life when we're 21 years old?  I don't really know what I want to do.  But it's becoming more clear, I think.  And what better to do while I figure out my purpose than to take the wonderful opportunities that have been open to me?  So yeah, I've been to three schools in three years.  I've had wonderful opportunities and wonderful experiences, and in the long run, I don't think I'll regret the decisions I've made. 

And what am I going to do after I graduate?  I don't know.  I am thinking about going to England for a year.  And surprisingly, when I told my parents about this idea, they were very enthusiastic.  My parents are really the absolute best thing in my life right now.  They know me so well; they know my personality and my successes and my struggles, and they love me so much and always want to help me figure out what will be the best thing for me.  I love my parents.

So here's to another year at Gordon.  I think it'll be a good one... oh, and we're doing Elijah!!!

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