Monday, June 21, 2004

Today I ate lunch on a park bench with my friend Sarah W. She told me that a mutual acquaintance of ours isn't going to major in violin; he's going to study communications instead. We both sat quietly for a minute, and then I said, "I'm imagining what it must be like to decide to do communications instead of violin. It must be like dropping a huge weight off your shoulders." "Yeah. I was thinking that, too."

To not have your identity tied to whether you perform well or not. To not have your feeling of being a success or a failure change from day to day based on how your practicing felt. To not leave lessons in tears because violin is your LIFE and your teacher just spent an hour ripping not just your playing but also you as a person to shreds...

To be able to play badly or even just less than how well you'd like to be able to play, and to shrug it off because - "It's not my major or my future career goal. I just do it on the side because I love to play."

I wonder what that must be like.

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