Thursday, August 12, 2004

Yesterday I went to the Nevada County fair with family and friends. I petted horses and cows, saw some old friends, strolled about the fairgrounds, picked up an application for an absentee ballot at the Republican booth, ate a corndog for dinner, looked at art, and all in all had fun. A little boy held my hand; he is a wonderful boy with poetry in his soul.

I had a good time.

however

I sometimes feel dissatisfied with myself.

In moments of superficiality, I feel sad and depressed that I do not look the way I would like to look. I am tired of seeing skinny girls in immodest clothing flaunt their bodies. I object to this on three counts: a) most importantly, it is immodest; b) it is narcissistic to think that everyone wants to see your body; and c) it makes everyone less "perfect"-looking feel inadequate.

But I am dissatisfied with myself in other ways as well. There are a lot of things I want to do with my life that I don't have the time or energy to accomplish right now.

1) I want to read a million more books than what I have read. And I want to read all the good ones again and again.

2) I want to memorize all my favorite verses, chapters, and books of the Bible.

3) I want to learn to fly an airplane.

4) Then I want to fly the Space Shuttle.

5) I want to play every piece of music that I love and then some more.

6) I want to get a black belt in karate.

7) I want to draw pictures again like I used to.

8) I want to be a spy for the CIA

9) I want to get a master's degree and then a doctoral degree.

10) I want to teach at the collegiate level.

11) I want to travel the world. (This goes well with 8)

12) I want to learn Mandarin, Greek, Latin, Spanish, and German.

13) I want to learn to swing dance really well.

14) And much more.

Also, I am not yet the kind of person I want to be. I want to love everyone. I want to be selfless. I want to see others as Christ sees them. I want to be... oh, everything. I want to be like Jesus; I really do.

I will keep trying.

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